It's been 6 days
It's been 6 days since my lover broke up with me. Love in your 50s is somehow different than when you are young I think. No matter how reasonable we are, we are still pretty much fully formed adults. We have jobs and lives we've invested in. My lover and I both got together as our respective long term relationships were in the process of dying (about two years ago I guess) and we leaned on each other, learned to be honest and whole with another person and loved each other in ways that I don't think either of us felt safe to do before. But we live 4 hours apart by car and we established a pattern of back and forth every weekend with the one travelling usually making it at least a 3 day weekend. We talked, texted, IMed throughout every day as well. We did this because we wanted to be together but it produced a weird result. Neither of us really made a new life where we were, we were always back and forth or working. He has a passion for sailing and while I like it, I don't. I let my orchids languish and let other things slide as well. Now we could have kept this up and probably worked through the growing resistance to it and even each other if there had been a reasonable end in sight. He's there, networked for his livelihood and he doesn't want to start that over along with making new friends and the other things he lost when his ex and him split up the friends. I can't blame him for that. Add that to the fact that he's got his boat in some of the nicest sailing water on the east coast and that makes moving for him not an option. I've got too much invested in my job and it isn't moveable either or at least I haven't seen a way to so it. I've got probably 10 years till retirement. At that point I could move there but there is a big part of me that really wants to move back to the west coast. My idea of an ocean is with a sunset sky on the horizon. So we're trying to retain the good stuff, the friendship that led us to being lovers, the support and yes love for each other, but it is sad. Sometimes I'm just sad that it couldn't have been different.
7 Comments:
Prom: There must be something in the air (Kyaroko, now you). It sounds like you are handling things very well, but you have my sympathy. It's tough to reach out and then have things not work out for whatever reason. I can't list my break-up recovery food suggestions, because of the wheat allergy, but I do hope you have some comfort activities lined up. And take charge of those orchids. A big hug to you.
I'm sorry to hear that.
((prom)) I'm sad ,too, for all of things G and I had together and the one thing that we didn't. You and I share the fact that it was a distance, yours was geographical, mine was was physical; nieher was our fault. In the end, we've both been left apart.
With you in my heart, regardless of the miles between...
XOXO
J.
Thank you all - I've said it before but here it is again. I"ve "met" some wonderful women on the blog and forum scape and I wish there was some way to extend that friendship into a woman's night out or a gossipy lunch. Since mostly that isn't possible, thank you all for your support. Let me know if there is ever anything I can help with.
Just to let you know I read this and send a good thought.
How frustrating and sad it must be to meet somebody you COULD trust to that extent, and then it still didn't work out. I'm sorry, Prom. I do see what you are saying, though...geographic distance can work IF there is an end in sight, but you guys would never be able to live where the other would live. After only one year of driving every weekend for two hours down to Columbia, I can DEFINITELY see where eventually, that has to end...even if all other things work out so well. It seems as if you can still maintain the friendship, though, and I'm glad for you for that.
Hang in there chica.
Post a Comment
<< Home